Ode to my monkey muffin

What a delightful euphemism! Actually, this is a dear john letter to you my beloved. We met just a few short years ago. It's been pretty passionate between us ever since. There is almost nothing I'd rather do, no where I'd rather be, no one I'd rather, well, "have coffee" with than you.You've really been there for me. Except for that time when you wouldn't take my check, which was awkward.

So, this will come as a surprise my dear. We are through you and me. It's just not working. And increasingly, after our time together I feel used and old and blah...I need something new and fresh. Perhaps we will meet again for a quick nibble or a walk in the park with a hot cuppa on a winter's day. But for now, we must part. I'll miss you but we were never really any good for each other. Buh bye!